Writing about Longing
Humans spend most of our lives longing for something; love, meaning, success, purpose, to be known, to have peace, to have more time, to have a do-over, to be somewhere else, to return to a memory.
The moments of true contentedness are glimmers in a sea of darkness.
And yet, if contentedness eludes us, most of us would still take longing, with its bittersweet suffering, over the absence of desire.
Longing is one of the most potent and universal feelings in the human experience. Several languages have terms to embody the yearning for places, people, experiences, and ideals that are just beyond one’s reach.
In German, the word sehnsucht describes a profound, often melancholic longing for something undefined and the yearning for a far-off happiness or fulfillment that might be unreachable.
In Welsh, hiraeth is used to describe a deep sense of longing for home, a place to which one cannot return or to which one may have never been.
And then, there’s the Russian word toska, perhaps the most common type of longing.
Vladimir Nabokov described it as a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause, a longing with nothing to long for.
In any language, terms, or iteration of the idea, I see the most potent forms of it as a kind of love. Or at least a kind of obsession.
My first novel “Falling Up in The City of Angels” was born from longing. Writers before and after me have written about the subject and will continue to write about it till the sun burns out.
Readers often think that “The Great Gatsby” is a novel about excess, but the reason why it resonates with audiences across generations is because, at its heart, it’s a story of longing and the delusional pursuit of a dream just out of reach. Or, from a different lens, it’s a story of undying hopefulness.
“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning-- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
So why do we write about longing? Why do these stories matter?
Understanding Longing
Longing manifests in three primary dimensions: physical, craving for touch or presence; emotional, yearning for a connection or affection; and existential, seeking purpose or fulfillment. The impact fuels everything from art and literature to exploration and revolution.
Consider the narrative of Vanilla Sky, in which the protagonist's journey through reality, dreams, and memories encapsulates a deep regret and longing for different choices and outcomes.
Similarly, Californication is centered around the longing for personal redemption and the restoration of broken relationships, set against the backdrop of personal demons and the quest for meaning in the hedonistic landscape of Los Angeles.
“She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation.”
― Hank Moody, Californication
The Role of Longing in Storytelling
In storytelling, longing is the silent current that propels characters into motion, molds their desires, and shapes their journeys. It drives character development, presenting characters with obstacles that test their resilience and push them toward growth. In narratives, longing introduces tension and conflict, catalyzing plot progression and ultimately leading to resolution or, sometimes, poignant open-endedness.
The essence of longing in storytelling is its power to forge an invisible thread between the character and the reader. It evokes empathy as readers see reflections of their desires and regrets in the characters' quests. It also prompts reflection on the universality of longing and its role in the human experience.
Techniques for Writing about Longing
To authentically capture longing in writing, characters should embody their desires and losses in a way that resonates with truth. Develop characters whose unfulfilled desires are rooted in their experiences and personalities. The setting, atmosphere, and tone should mirror the internal landscape of longing, with moody, evocative descriptions that set the emotional stage.
The perspective you choose to write with will also change how you unveil their longing. In the third person, implication is highly effective and often more potent as a tool to reveal desires rather than explicitly showing them. It’s also invaluable for dialogue when writing from any perspective. However, when I wrote “Falling Up in The City of Angels” I chose first person, which makes the narrative style conversational and brutally honest.
“I have a habit of falling in love with everything: colors, light, shadows, a breeze, the lines of a building, a fragrance drifting off a flower or a girl — and then, all I want to do is remember it forever exactly as it was and give it to everyone so they can feel it or see it and hold onto it for safekeeping.”
— Tony, “Falling Up in The City of Angels”
Symbolism, motifs, and imagery are powerful tools in highlighting themes of longing. They can serve as recurring reminders of what is sought or lost, deepening the narrative's emotional impact without relying on exposition. Balancing the emotional weight of longing is crucial to avoid overwhelming the reader; subtle nuances and moments of lightness can provide relief and contrast. Think of it like shading when you draw.
Part of the reason longing fascinates us is that it’s often inherently ambiguous. It is not a distinctly negative or a positive emotion. It oscillates on a spectrum between the two and is usually a mixture of love, hope, and melancholy blended together.
Challenges and Considerations
Writing about longing without veering into clichés or melodrama requires a delicate balance. Authenticity and depth are key — avoiding overused tropes and instead focusing on the unique aspects of each character's longing. Maintaining reader engagement amidst themes of desire and loss involves crafting a narrative that offers hope, transformation, or insight rather than dwelling solely on despair.
The Impact of Writing about Longing
Effectively incorporating themes of longing can profoundly impact readers, offering them lenses through which to view their lives and the world around them. Stories infused with longing have the power to comfort, offer catharsis, and evoke a sense of shared humanity. They remind us that while longing is a universal experience, it is also a deeply personal journey that can lead to growth, understanding, and connection.
By exploring these dimensions, writers craft narratives that illuminate the intricacies of the human heart. Whether through the poignant exploration of lost love, the aching desire for a different path, or the existential quest for meaning, stories of longing invite us to reflect, empathize, and, perhaps, find a bit of ourselves within their pages.
